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On December 6th 2011, my younger brother was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer - cholangiocarcinoma. He died on February 5th 2012. This was less than 9 weeks from diagnosis. He was 53. This is my attempt to make sense of it all.

Moving on – I hope…

Hello again.

You may recall that I moaned last time about the wait for an appointment with my GP’s counselling service. I wasn’t having a go at them, but it seemed that there was an obstacle being placed on my path to recovery. So, apologies to them, it’s not their fault.

Well, last week I had an initial assessment consultation. I spoke to a wonderful lady – I couldn’t have been in better hands.  I had to answer some questions on paper beforehand, and have them ready on the day. Following that session, I had a phone call earlier this week saying that I was a suitable case for counselling, and that I would be put on the waiting list. This may also take some time, but it just shows how stretched they are – too many patients and ever-dwindling resources.

 

I have to say that the tablets are definitely working. I am finding it much easier to cope on a day-to-day level, although my work has become so hectic that it just keeps my mind off things. My  role has changed a great deal, and I’m having to learn so much about so many things all at once, that I have to make sure it doesn’t overwhelm me and put more pressure on.  When I step away, though, I know that just under the surface the Black Dog is still lurking.

I do have better days – I am occasionally finding pleasure in the things around me again. I spotted a buzzard circling overhead when I got home the other day, and just stood and watched for ten minutes. I’ve always loved birds of prey, but recently I’ve just not been that bothered about things like that. I hope that  episode is an indication that things are on the right track.

I’m hoping that the improving weather may help – I’m sure that we respond to sunshine and showers, so maybe as we get more of the former I shall feel a bit happier.

Having said all of this though, I’m not fooling myself – there’s still a very long way to go, and it won’t be easy.

 

Finally, may I ask for your opinions on something please? I initially set up this blog with the sombre theme which you see. However, recently I have been wondering whether I should “lighten the mood” a little, as it were, by using something less gloomy. (Hopefully that is also a sign that things are improving!). What do you think? Am I doing myself no favours by retaining this theme? I would welcome your comments. Thank you in advance.

Bye for now.

Be well.

Dave

 

 

 

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