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On December 6th 2011, my younger brother was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer - cholangiocarcinoma. He died on February 5th 2012. This was less than 9 weeks from diagnosis. He was 53. This is my attempt to make sense of it all.

Seeking counsel

First, apologies for the long gap between posts. Work, home, you name it – no time for anything else.


I have now had my first two counselling sessions.

I didn’t really know what to expect, but I have to say it was worth the wait.

In the first one, I ended up almost talking at random, just trying to get a feeling for things which might be relevant, and which we could subsequently explore further. I was also pleased that I had taken some tissues with me!

It started off gently, but by the end had become quite an intense session, and made me start to look at aspects of my life differently to how I have done up to now.

I also discovered something about how I feel that I hadn’t realised was going on.

Today’s session took me further down that road, and I have been examining the relationship between my past and my present, and how much one can affect the other, in ways that you don’t realise. More tissues were needed, and I felt quite drained by the end of it.

I think I can safely say that my counsellor certainly knows what she is doing!

I’m going to try to keep a note of my thoughts between now and the next visit, as I found that although I had begun to look at myself so that I had topics to discuss, I had forgotten half of what I wanted to say when the time came.


As for day-to-day life, I’m still feeling sad and demotivated, with the irritability continuing, which isn’t helping my relationships, especially with my family. This of course makes me feel guilty, which just feeds the beast…

But – the beast will not win. I’m sure you’re familiar with term “the Black Dog”. Indeed, I have used it myself in an earlier post. Well, I have just decided that my Black Dog is a Scottish Terrier. Small, occasionally annoying, but ultimately, nothing to worry about.


I have four more of these sessions lined up for now, after which we will decide on what to do next. I’ll keep you posted.

Thank you for reading.

Be well.



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