When I started this blog I was hoping that it might have something of a cathartic effect, allowing me to express my feelings, which I would find difficult to do in any other way. I have always been one to hold my emotions in, and I know I’m seen by some as perhaps not getting very involved in things. This is especially true at work, when others respond to an issue with opinions and thoughts, where I just seem to sit quietly. I tend to sit back and think about things, before formulating a response. Indeed, as part of my work I have discovered what sort of learner I am – I am a reflector. (We all have learning styles, and this is mine). It makes sense when I look at how I deal with things generally.
However, given what I am writing about, I sometimes feel that I should be somewhat more immediate in my response, and let my initial thoughts and views be known. Would it help? I don’t know. Then again, I do tend to subscribe to the school of thought that says that if you have nothing good to say, say nothing. I am also somewhat suspicions of “office politics”, much as I dislike it. I try not to give too much away for fear of shooting myself in the foot.
All of which means that I am still nowhere near being back to my “normal” self. I must say, however, that I do seem to be enjoying the odd moment with the family a little more; maybe things are finally starting to head in the right direction. I hope so. I’m still spending a lot of time on my own, and I’m finding that I have far less patience with some television programmes and suchlike. What I would once watch out of choice I can’t be bothered with any more, and what I would tolerate (others watching soaps and so on) I simply avoid completely so as not to comment and cause an argument. Am I starting to think that there are more important things in life, or am I just feeling this way because I have read others’ comments that this is what happens, so that I am just following what some would expect, without thinking about it? You tell me…
On the medical front, I have had another investigation (hence the title of this post). Last month I had a gastroscopy, where the tube and camera is inserted from the top end of the digestive system. This week, it was the other end…
It’s all part of checking me over, so I’m not complaining. It was a bit strange though- you can watch the progress of the tube on the screen the medical staff are looking at. If you watch something like this on television you think – “Oh, that’s interesting”, but when it’s your own plumbing you think “Oh, that’s me! That’s weird!” It’s definitely a bit odd!
The worst bit was the preparation – suffice it to say that the medication you have to take for the couple of days preceding the procedure works extremely well. If ever you have it done I recommend not straying further than ten paces from a toilet….
Here’s hoping things keep improving. As always, please feel free to comment.